How To Be A Gator Part 1 - Rivals

In a few short months, the greatest sports team in history will be taking the field to defend their national championship. Yes, i am talking about the one and only Florida Gators football team. Every year Gator Nation grows larger from the fans who abandon their inferior teams to jump on the Gators rocket ship of success. So i have decided to take the hands of these lost souls and welcome them into the Gator family. But they need to be schooled. Its not about throwing on an orange shirt and doing Gator Jaws. Its more.

This is part one in a continuing series of blogs dedicated to introducing new fans to the team and teach them the glory and honor of being a Gator Fan.

Part 1 - Your Rivals

You can not root for a team without first knowing who to hate, and there are plenty of teams to despise as a Gator fan. You must know, through jealousy and lack of success, other people tend to really HATE the Gators. So you must be well equipped to do battle with these confused and lost people. The Gators play in the toughest conference in the nation, The Southeastern Conference, or as you will more than likely hear it called, the SEC. Most of the rivalries come from the SEC.

Tennessee Volunteers - This team has arguably become our biggest in conference rival. Some may say the Bulldogs, who i will discuss soon, but in my opinion, the Volunteers have truly become the most bitter rival. I say this because, the Vols SUCK. We have owned this series over the past decade and longer. They have ugly Popsicle colored uniforms, they play "Rocky Top" over and over again, their fans are more inbred than actually human. I believe there is a 2 tooth minimum to purchase season tickets. We usually play them the 3rd game of the season, and is the Gators first big game, and first test on how well they will play in conference... which usually means we beat them..... because like i said, they are out little bitch.

Georgia Bulldogs - A close second, and for many years, our numero uno rival is this bunch of hicks from that state to the north. They like to think of themselves as elite, yet have not mastered the English language yet. Their fans grunt like a dog and howl like idiots, they drink Pabst Blue Ribbon and eat corn dogs all day. Most drive trucks with gun racks and fancy the confederate flag as a license plate. This is the only team to hold the series lead in victories. Because of the hatred between the two, the game is played on a neutral site in Jacksonville, and titled the "Worlds Largest Cocktail Party". Although we have pretty much owned them over the past decade, this is still a hotly contested rivalry dating back 1914. You MUST HATE this team to be a true Gator.

Florida State Semenholes - Our biggest out of conference rival is FSU. They were once an all girls school and then were allowed to play football. Most of the players are still girls. Florida State was actually the dominate team in the nation during the 90's. That is when the rivalry really heated up. We end the regular season with them, so every year one team usually can act as a spoiler for the others title hopes. Although there has been ZERO title hopes for the Semenholes for a long time. They have the most annoying cheer ever. The Chop, it drones on and on. Turning the fans into robotic javelin throwers. Their fans are very fair weathered. You only see them out of their huts when they win. They lose, and they run back under ground.

Auburn Tigers - Another SEC rival. This team has a serious identity crisis. Although they are the Tigers, they fancy calling themselves the War Eagles. Who knows why. I never really bothered to find out why, mainly because i don't care. The Gators have been handed several heart breaking loses to this team. Their fans are rather arrogant for some odd reason. Rude, snobby, unclean. They have anger issues because they play second fiddle to the Alabama Crimson Tide in the state. Alabama sucks too, but have a storied history, unlike the War Tiger Eagles, or what ever the hell they call themselves.

Louisiana State Tigers - I actually like LSU fans. If you ever travel to a game in Baton Rouge, they are always cooking and friendly, offering you food getting into good natured fan jabber. The problem is, their team sucks. They think they have the loudest stadium in the country, until they play in The Swamp (the nickname of Florida Field.) They have gained on the rival list over the last several years. There gain on the national scene is short lived however, and will soon go back to being a good but second tier team compared to the Gators.

Those 5 are big ones during the year. That is not to say other teams are not equally as hated. Ole Miss has slowly creeped into my sights. They have beaten us several times even though we have been heavily favored. Alabama is a big one, but we dont play them every year. We meet them in the Conference Championship games at times, and will have a home and home series every few years. Alabama fans are pretty much douche bags with there toilet paper on a stick roll tide things. Miami used to be near the top. No matter what you hear from Miami fans, Florida did not drop them off the schedule because of the competition. The SEC broke into 2 divisions, and we had to drop an out of conference opponent to accommodate an 8th SEC game. I wish we did play them every year. Miami actually chickened out of joining the SEC in favor of the weaker ACC conference. They are thugs and their fans are mostly out on parole.

Always remember... the only time you root for another team is if it benefits the Gators in the polls. Its ok to root for SEC teams during the bowls, but i have been known to root against Tennessee at times because i hate them so much. Hone your skills at bars during game day. Even if you have no idea what you are talking about, just yell loud and tell the other fan how much their team sucks. Its important to remain dignified in the heat of battle.

Next time i will dive more into what being a Gator means. Give you names and facts to help you understand the history of the Gators.. in the mean time learn this small phrase... If You're Not A Gator, You're GATOR BAIT!!!!